Although a distant gypsy cousin once warned me while snipping tin outside her caravan that I should never participate in chain letters, pyramid schemes, or blog memes, at the behest of metrodad I risk her curses and give you my responses to the seven meme:

The 7 Things To Do Before I Die:

1. Plant and nurture a huge garden with lots of little cucumbers so I can make an endless supply of fresh half-sour dill pickles like the guy who sells them out of barrels on Orchard street in the Lower East Side.
2. Tell somebody, "Then we'll see you in court!" and actually see them there.
3. Sign a lease in Edinburgh before Juniper is too old to pick up the lilt.
4. Get into long, heated debates about important issues with my grandchildren when they are in college and know everything.
5. Publish. Even if I have to grind pulp to make the paper myself.
6. Hang out with a gentleman chimp who wears a suit and a top hat or who knows how to make a vodka gimlet and smoke cigars.
7. Think up some really cool last words.

7 Things I Cannot Do
1. Curl my tongue.
2. Stop thinking about my baby while at work.
3. Let good food go to waste.
4. Rap.
5. Grow a mustache.
6. Pay retail.
7. Dance.

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex
1. Great Hair
2. Freckles
3. Ambition
4. Vulnerability
5. Easygoingness/ comfort in her own skin
6. Ceaselessly-surprising brilliance
7. Cute skirts and coats

7 Celebrity Crushes
1. Audrey Tautou
2. Linda Cardellini
3. Paulette Goddard
4. Neko Case
5. Bruce Springsteen in 1977.
6. Sissy Spacek in 1972 wearing short white shorts and twirling a baton in the setting sun.
7. Garrison Keillor anytime, anywhere; just bring that voice as smooth as apple butter, boy.

Instead of asking anyone else to do this, I must honor my gypsy cousin's directive and discontinue the meme. One thing I like about the meme though is the way it encourages one to link to other bloggers. So I suggest you visit the following blogs if you haven't already: prolly all the time, hollyrhea, mother-scratcher, and weirdgirl. If those ladies wish to pick up the meme, so be it. I'd love to hear what they have to say. But they can't blame me for anything but some traffic, hopefully.