The Sweet Juniper Liquidation Sale

Posted by jdg | Friday, August 18, 2006

Even though we've been planning, discussing and writing about our upcoming move to Detroit for the last 11 months, until yesterday, we'd done practically no packing. After months of blissful procrastination, we've now officially entered the stressful stage of moving, where the only way to further put off the unrelenting list of things to do is to engage in petty 10 minute fights with each other. Just concluded a half an hour ago was the fight titled: Why Must You Speak so Fricking Slowly: I'm Trying to do 15 Other Things that Could Be Done By Now if You Didn't Drawl Like a Southerner. Our most recent fight was a mere five minutes ago and was conducted via cell-phone, entitled: How the Fuck Does the Fucking Stroller Fold and Why is it Such a Motherfucker?

We've been making decisions about whether we should bring things, sell them or dump them in front of the Goodwill for the developmentally-disabled guy to drag to the back and sort. I found this gigantic red sweatshirt that I am completely confident I will never wear again, but I can't bear to give it away. It's what I was wearing when Dutch proposed to me. Why he didn't rethink that decision when he saw me wearing this swearshirt, I will never know. I wanted to take a picture of me wearing it to post here, but I can no longer locate it amid all of our half-packed boxes of junk. If I can find it, I will.

We are leaving this town one way or another on Monday, which means that this Saturday and Sunday we're having a garage sale slash open house slash goodbye party extravaganza. It might well be the longest and worst party ever, since it's entirely possible that the only food we'll serve will be the 2-year-old jars of sweet pickles and garbanzo beans that are left over in our cupboards, and we may very well force some poor attendee to cram a wholly unwanted crappy IKEA kitchen table into their trunk. onsider it your opportunity to purchase some sweet juniper memorabilia, like Juniper's old clothes, toys, high chair, milk covered infant car seat, and all kinds of other crap we couldn't sell on craigslist, like a certain apartment-sized washer/dryer combo, and the bed on which sweet juniper was most likely conceived. Now that I've put it that way, you probably don't want that.

If somehow that description doesn't make your stomach turn and you live in the area and are interested in relieving us of some of our things, please email us at sweetjuniper (at), and I'll tell you where we live. We would love to meet any Bay Area folks who read this blog before we go. You might end up walking home with a free bottle of mediocre wine.