So I finally managed to visit Canada without getting interrogated by mounties in an all-white room on suspicion of kidnapping my own children.

The truth is we live so close to Canada we can smell the poutine and polar bears whenever there's a strong sou'easter, but for three years I have been too scared to cross the border without my wife's express written consent. This week she wanted to go for a drive on her day off so we celebrated Memorial Day by fleeing the country (together).

Read about our adventures with drunken babies, monstrous Canadian weevils, surprisingly-smooth highways, and Italian-Canadian royal processions by clicking here.