Before Juniper was born, I would occasionally get really wasted and watch Cine de las estrellas on Telefutura for hours at night. I don't know any Spanish though. One night I watched the entire Swayze/Demi/Goldberg vehicle Ghost dubbed in Spanish. Those two kids loved each other so darn much!

It dawned on me that night that it was my singular purpose in life to redub the movie Ghost, in English, leaving the Demi Moore lines intact but replacing everything Patrick Swayze says with lines from his other movies, particularly Road House, Red Dawn, To Wong Fu, and Dirty Dancing. I also wanted to replace everything Whoopi Goldberg says with Tone Loc's voice, both lyrics from his albums Loc'ed After Dark and Cool Hand Loc and his lines from the animated classic Bebe's Kids. In my version, Swayze and Demi were gay lovers renovating a Chelsea loft together before being torn apart by death and brought back together through a sex-obsessed lesbian psychic from da hood. I spent many awesome hours watching Road House and Red Dawn assembling Swayze quotes and listening to Tone Loc, and then Juniper came along and I got distracted from my artistic vision.

The centerpiece of my version of Ghost was replacing "Unchained Melody" with a song that I felt better matched the mood of the pottery love scene. I have now uploaded my version to Youtube. You should consider these four minutes of heaven as a taste of what might have been:

Love, by Swayze. Music, by Journey. Please let me know what you think.