Wife: What are you letting him watch in there?
Me: It's just the last scene of Predator, where Arnold gets all covered in mud for the fistfight with the alien. Every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie ends with a fistfight.
Wife: Even Junior?
Me: Especially Junior.
Wife: Isn't that movie a little violent for him?
Me: Action movies from the eighties were less violent than your average toy commercial on Nick Jr. today. It's true. I read about it in The New York Times.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: You're one ugly mother [bleep].
Me: See, it's edited for television. He says he wants to be the Predator for Halloween next year.
Wife: Don't google "child Predator costumes" unless you want to get us on an FBI watch list or something.
Me: He could have a Predator mask with a white van and a bag of candy.
Wife: Or a Predator mask with a boy scout leader uniform and a bag of candy.
Me: I could be Chris Hansen and catch him in a net.
Son: I don't want to be the Predator she's a mother so that means she's a girl. I want to be the Creditor.
Wife: . . .
Me: . . .
Wife: He could have a Predator mask and a bunch of manilla folders that say "bankruptcy filings."
Me: Good choice, kid. The Creditor is way scarier than the Predator.
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