"Why do some of them wear bell bottoms? They have to be the only professional athletes who wear bell bottoms while they're playing."

"It's more like a boot cut. Some of them tuck their pants into their knee socks. I like that. It's very old-timey."

"Have they ever considered elastic waistbands? Basketball players, football players, those guys don't wear belts. At least not the kind you could buy from JCrew. Look at Ordonez: JCrew belt!"

"And buttons. Baseball uniforms are the only ones that button up the front. Some have pinstripes."

"On the field, baseball players are, like, the most professional-looking professional athletes."

"They should all wear ties."

* * * * *

"Do you think they change those advertisements behind home plate between every inning?"

"I know they do. That shit is expensive."

"Do they really think having that word there is going to make me want to buy a Dodge truck?"

"I don't know. Hey go get me a new Southwest Salad™ at the end of the inning. And make it snappy."

"Fuck you."

* * * * *

"What's a breaking ball?"

"I think. . .I actually have no idea."

"Do you think it's because the ball breaks and they have to use a new one? Or is it a braking ball like the brakes on a car?"