Thus ends the circumcision debate

"The neighbor asked if we were going to circumcise the new one."

"That seems a bit nosy."

"She said something about how she would do it because her husband is circumcised, and he would feel funny, you know, if his son looked different."

"I've heard people say that before. I don't get it. Do fathers and sons regularly get their penises together for a little face time? Do they dress them up in little matching outfits? Because personally, I'd rather just burp and watch football."

"She also mentioned locker rooms."

"The less he enjoys the locker room experience, the better."

"I told her I was going to leave it up to you."

"Remember how some gay clubs in San Francisco would advertise no cover charge for uncut guys? Tell her I'm not going to take a chance that our son might be gay and miss out on the opportunity to whip it out and avoid paying all those cover charges. I hate covers."

"Her husband is an internationally-renowned techno DJ. Their livelihood depends on cover charges."

"Well then let them circumcise their own potentially-homosexual son. Mine is going to get into gay night clubs for free."