The children's books you wish celebrities would write, Vol. 4: Metallica Board Book

Thanks to the mother in law, our shelf of celebrity-penned children's books grows with every visit. We've got Julianne Moore's book about the difficulties of growing up ginger, and Jamie Lee Curtis's book about being 50+ and Fabulous. Did you know John Lithgow writes children's books? I read them in a bad British accent (why couldn't it have been French Stewart who dipped his quill into the world of Children's Literature?) They say Bob Dylan is publishing a children's book version of "Forever Young." I hope it's as good as Will Smith's "Just the Two of Us." That song brings a tear to my eye every time, so you can just imagine what it does to me in illustrated form. "I wanna kiss you all the time/ But I will test that butt when you cut out of line." Gah! Waterworks!

The other day I heard Metallica's "Enter Sandman" during a hockey game. This was the song my high school hockey team used to listen to in the locker room before games to get "pumped up." It's from Metallica's "creepy old man" period, when normal kids started listening to Metallica without their parents worrying they would become satanists, and every video featured a creepy, wrinkled old man. Well, now Metallica is a bunch of creepy, wrinkled old men. Seriously. Balding drummer Lars Ulrich even has a one-year-old baby, which is usually right around the time washed-up celebrities decide to add "author" to their resumes. So, listening to the lyrics of "Enter Sandman" for the first time since I had kids, I thought, "that would make a really good children's book." Get on it, Lars. Those precious moments don't last forever.