You can make a car out of wood. . .

Today is our fifth anniversary; I spent all week and a trip to Hollander's under the delusion that the fifth was the paper anniversary. I discovered it was "wooden" too late to get any whittlin' done. But miraculously I am all showered, with aftershave and cologne. And despite of a recent bout of Amishness, I am wearing a shirt with actual buttons, bespoke in Pisa on our honeymoon. And it still fits. Tonight we are leaving the house without children for the first time in more than a year, and planning to dine on extravagantly-priced seafood and talk about it like how we imagine Gail Simmons and Tom Collichio might. I would use this moment to get all romantic and write about how much I love my wife, but ewww, there are too many people listening. Instead: one of the funniest comedy sketches of all time:



I'm ready for round two, baby. Where the orphan points double.