My wife starts a new job today, one that will mean longer hours and occasional travel. You can trust spirits around our household are high today: this means I get more time alone with the kids! Huzzah! I just don't know how to break it to them that mom's new job means more time alone with dad, and that that's okay. I suppose I can always go to the old bookshelf and find a vintage tome that covers this very subject:
"I mean, come on kid, your mom never has a problem making my morning omelette. It's alright, just go down to the deli and get me a bagel and a schmear."

But Daddy felt great. He told Ben he was late because he had been at a place called "Happy Hour." Ben said that sounded like fun. "It was fun," replied Daddy, wistfully.

Okay, to Daddy's credit, at this point he gets his shit together and does some things the kid enjoys like telling "silly riddles" and "singing nonsense songs" and eating a ton of junkfood until they get sick and then watch TV together in pajamas all day long. Dads are good at that kind of stuff, you see. Then Dad gets an idea to make it look like he's actually been responsible for his sole offspring:

Congratulations, Mom, you've now got a pint-sized Doppelgänger of the jerk you married!