Executive Experience

"You have to stop talking to this kid about mayors. In the book about the ghost in the diner she wants to know why the mayor isn't in jail. And in the one where the little boy tries to deliver a message to the mayor she keeps asking me if that mayor is a liar, too."

"At least we don't have any books about community organizers. I mean, what does that even mean, 'community organizer?'"

[cue uproarious laughter]

"I like the idea of having a Mayor, but I think we should limit the Mayor's duties to cutting ribbons with oversized scissors, posing with oversized checks from philanthropists, handing out oversized keys to the city, and pressing the flesh around town in an oversized top hat. The mayoral budget should be limited to an account with ReallyBigStuff.com."

"When I was in middle school, my hometown set some kind of record for electing the youngest mayor in United States history. He was like 21. And this was a city of 35,000."

"Was he a good mayor?"

"I think Nickelodeon came to interview him. He signed the Heated Sidewalks Initiative into law. That was a big deal. Oh, and he created a skate park."

"Cool."

"I remember he still worked at the video store after he was elected mayor. He had to wear the blue Blockbuster shirt and everything. He would be all, 'You have a 50 cent rewind fee for Uncle Buck, and that will be $2.64 for Turner & Hooch.' And when he gave you your change you would be all, 'Thanks Mr. Mayor.'"

"Whatever happened to him?"

"My high school driver's ed teacher beat him in the next primary. He would be all, 'Did you check your wiper blades?' and we'd be all, 'Yes, Mr. Mayor."

"Maybe McCain will tap him to be Secretary of Transportation."